Ask The Question

New to the Discworld Convention? New to conventions in general?

If you are, then I'm jealous.

Let me put it this way.

Imagine you've never read Terry Pratchett before, and your best friend lends you one. You read it, you're hooked, and you find out you have more than twenty more pleasant surprises ahead of you as you read your way through the back catalogue, and by the time you've finished them, there'll probably be more to catch up on. And you'll be reading them all for the first time.

Now it's true, you can't go back in time and relive the earlier conventions - sorry about that - but you do get to experience one for the first time. You really have no idea how much fun is ahead of you.

Neither do we.

That's part of the fun of the Discworld Conventions. Even the people planning them never know when some little detail will take over the entire weekend, the way the Guilds did in 2004. You never know what new friends you might make, if you'll discover a new hobby, a new author, a new talent, or what. Some of us have met our spouses at these things. I have friends I made at the first convention, ten years ago. And it is possible for someone who's never been to a Discworld convention before to be the chair of the event 8 years and three conventions later.

Maybe you can beat that record.

But first, you'll want a few simple tips. The most important is this: no matter what it is, Ask The Question.

Anything from "How are you?" to "Where's the bar?" to "Where is the Guest of Honour interview?" to "Did you just lick my sock?" to "That costume is amazing! Did you make it yourself?" Whatever it is, ask. Ask anyone. You'll meet new friends that way.

Ask The Watch (they'll have badges to identify them) if you're more cautious, and Convention Committee members¹ (which means he/she/other is one of the people running the event) if you think it's really tricky. But do always ask the questions.

The second thing to learn is a phrase you might get very tired of hearing over the weekend, but only because it's so necessary: Go To Ops.

'Ops' is the Operations Center for the weekend, and if they can't answer the question... well, it's just never happened.

Ops have an answer for everything. They just do. I'm convinced that between them they know everything, and only go through the motions of asking other people sometimes because, well, omniscience gets boring after a while. You should be very nice to them while you're there, because Ops people will be missing most of the weekend, staying in Ops and keeping things running to make sure we all have a great time.

If you find something, Go To Ops.

If you're not sure where you're supposed to be, having volunteered for something you don't understand, Go To Ops.

No matter what it is, no matter how confused you are, Ops is the place to which you should go.

The next people to know to be nice to are the Watch Commanders. They often function as mini roving Ops centers themselves. If you have any worries, talking to one of them will make you feel a lot more secure. They and their band of minions will spend the weekend asking people nicely if they wouldn't mind keeping the crossroads clear, and if you could keep moving and not block the hallways, and while you're waiting to get in to get a good seat for the Maskerade, would you mind standing closer to the wall so people can get past you? Thank you.

You may notice a theme here.

This is because we will have somewhere around 750 to 800 people in the hotel over the weekend, and there just isn't room for us all to hesitate at crossroads and chat about which event we want to see next, and if there's time for a quick lunch before the next interview, and so forth. Of course, if you choose not to listen to the nice Watch people, they might call in Big Al, and I must warn you - he has a truncheon, and it does squeak. He is not now, and never has been, a member of the Fools Guild, but I think that's because even the Fools have limits.

One of the peculiarities of the Discworld Convention is one of the more striking guests you might see in the bar, in the lobby, eating supper, or in the lift. He's got a grey beard, deep dark brown eyes, not a lot of hair, glasses, and a big black hat. His name is Silas T. Firefly. He looks a lot like Terry Pratchett - really - until you see the two next to each other. But while Terry will be smiling and chatting and signing things and being interviewed and all that, Silas won't. Silas is terribly shy. He has a hard time of it, always being mistaken for That Other Guy. So if you see a man in a hat coming toward you and you start to get all excited, check his name tag. If it's Silas, please just smile politely and let him pass. All he really wants is a quiet life. Besides, if you bother Silas, he might mention it to Terry, and then when you ask Terry to sign your book later, you might have occasion to remember who created Vetinari.

Above all, enjoy yourself. That's what this weekend is for.

And if you have any questions, just ask!

Joann Richardson

They're the ones in the burgundy shirts.
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