Programme

A Time and Place for Music: Life can be hard for a novice in Oi Dong, the monastery of the History Monks. Often, they find themselves longing for home. Brother Imp[1] is one of these, and what he misses most is the music. So he's organised a music evening, at no small cost to himself.

Everyone who brings an instrument, or has a song to sing, or even both, is welcome in the old shed where Brother Qu (peace be upon him and by extension, on us) did that unfortunate experiment[2]. The Compère will put your name on the list, call you up on stage, and you have your place and time to sing your song, recite your poem, or tell your short story. When your time is up, you rejoin the audience and enjoy the others' efforts.

All in all, a most enjoyable way to spend some time.

[1] For some reason, this is a very popular name in Llamedos. Not quite in Glod territory, but definitely in Glit.

[2] Don't worry, it's perfectly safe now, honest. Brother Imp and his friends spent hours cleaning it up!
Are UFOs Time Ships?: If only 1% of UFO reports are real, they still indicate that something very strange indeed is having a look at us. Who or what are they? Do they come from other probability tracks -- the Worlds of If? Are they extra-terrestrial aliens, who may -- or may not -- be harmless and friendly? Or have they come from another Time? If the future isn't fixed yet, which possible future are they from? How do they make their time-ships work? If they are Masters of Time, it could explain the ways in which their ships appear able to defy the laws of momentum and inertia.
Auction Payment and Collection: Was yours the winning bid for an auction item? Well, now it's time to pay up and collect! We can accept all forms of Roundworld currency (cards or cash), so there really are no excuses. Just remember - it's all for charity.
Belly Dancing: Fancy a little exotic dancing? Come along to the event where not only does it not matter if your belt has more notches than Casanunda's stepladder, it's a positive advantage.
Bernard Pearson's Passive Smoking for Beginners: There is only one Cunning Artificer. He's also a jolly good raconteur, stamp creator and sculptor. Oh - and he founded Clarecraft too. He may talk about any of these. Or he may not. But we can guarantee that he will be entertaining.
Book Signings (Diane, Peter and Lionel): A special book signing event for all you hardened scifi/fantasy fans. Diane Duane, Peter Morwood and Lionel Fanthorpe all together at the same time. That's three for the price one one signing queue! This is a ticket-based event with a "3 book" limit and The Watch request your cooperation to make this a fun event for everybody involved. Remember to check the Voodoo Boards at the Convention for any revisions to the timetables.
Book Signings (Terry, Jack & Ian): An amateur astronomer, a mad scientist and a crazy mathematician will be on hand to ~~deface~~ sign your Discworld books. This is a ticket-based event with a "3 book" limit and The Watch request your cooperation to make this a fun event for everybody involved. Remember to check the Voodoo Boards at the Convention for any revisions to the timetables.
Book Signings (Terry, Stephen & Jacqueline): Terry will be signing books with Jacqueline Simpson - author of "The Folklore of Discworld". This is a ticket-based event with a "3 book" limit and The Watch request your cooperation to make this a fun event for everybody involved. Remember to check the Voodoo Boards at the Convention for any revisions to the timetables.
Candle Making: Make and decorate your own beeswax candle clocks. Suitable for all ages. This event was very popular in 2006, so numbers will be limited.
Chaos Costuming: Whether you want something to wear around the convention, a last minute entry into the Maskerade, or simply have some spare time between programme items to spend in getting creative, drop into the Chaos workshop and see if we have something to fire your imagination.
Charity Auction: Bring your wallets and your bidding paddles. We have an auction catalogue that is stuffed with high quality, Discworld-related, rarities - including some props from The Colour of Magic film set. It's all for charity, so come along and throw caution to the winds.
Charity Auction Viewing and setup: Your opportunity to see exactly what items will be available for auction.
Chocolate Tasting: Would it be stating the obvious to describe this as one of the Convention's most popular items? So get there early and bring your best taste buds with you. And remember - calories that you eat standing up don't count!
Church of Om: After the hectic chaos of the previous two days, perhaps you fancy a little quiet contemplation. If so, this is NOT the event for you! Whether you prefer Offler or Om, join us in (ir)reverent (and occasionally tuneful) song.
Closing Ceremony: This always arrives too quickly but, sadly, all good things - even Conventions - must come to an end. You could always console yourself by attending the prize giving, listening to Terry's closing speech and watching the ritual humiliation of the Convention Chairman.
Create Your Own Religion: Do you feel that the 10 Commandments lacks a little something? Would you like to see a little more fire and brimstone? This course in applied theology might be your chance to put things right.
Dead Monkey Party: The Convention may have finished but the party isn't over yet. This is your last chance to relax in the company of witches, wizards and other Discworld-related denizens before you leave to rejoin the rather boring world outside.
Disc is your World: Discworld celebrates its Silver Jubilee on 24^th November 2008. So how has it developed and how has it affected the natives of Roundworld?
Discworld Broadcasting Company Play for Today: The Discworld Broadcasting Company invites you to join the audience for a live radio broadcast of an episode from their adaptation of The Truth.
Discworld Broadcasting Company Play for Today - rehearsal: ** closed to the public ***
Dragon Racing: Specially arranged to tie in with her gala dinner fundraiser for the Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons, Lady Sybil Vimes would like to encourage members of the 2008 Discworld Convention to join together for an evening of dragon racing.

The best artificers available in Ankh-Morpork have been commissioned to create replicas of some of the finest dragons on the Disc so that you can take part by being a dragon rider*, by wagering on the outcome of the thrilling races or simply by cheering on your favourites.

Races will be running all evening to allow everyone to have a chance to take part and small prizes will be awarded for winning riders and for those who accumulate the most money. Guild points may also be available at the discretion of the Monks of Cool.

Lady Sybil and Commander Vimes will open proceedings with ZHL strings providing pre-race, and interval entertainment.

* rider may be a slight exaggeration but Lady Sybil insisted- it won't be too energetic so most people will be able to take part.
Dyskheads: Are you a "Discworld expert"? Do you have Disc-trivia dripping from your fingers? Could you beat the best? The long-running champions of the Unseen University Quiz Tournament invite all would-be challengers to test their unbroken record.
Dyskheads (Celebrity Edition): Are you a "Discworld expert"? Do you have Disc-trivia dripping from your fingers? Could you beat the best? The long-running champions of the Unseen University Quiz Tournament invite all would-be challengers to test their unbroken record.

On Monday, we pit a special celebrity team against the Dyskheads.
Face Painting and Tattooing: Do you want to be a tiger? A dragon? A cat? The possibilities are endless and are only limited by the painter's artistry and your ability to keep still. For the first time we are also going to be able to offer temporary tattoos to all our junior members.
Feegle Time: Time set aside for the young. And the young at heart. The little darlings can let off steam and run around whilst you keep a watchful eye. Please note that all children must be accompanied by a ~~responsible~~ adult.
Find the Time: A treasure hunt with a difference. Time will be involved but we ain't saying how. It will, however, be suitable for all ages.
Folklore of Discworld: Do Discworld princesses kiss salamanders? Can a small boy pull a sword from a troll in Sto Lat? Leading British folklorist Jacqueline Simpson, co-author of the authoritative reference on Discworld folklore, examines the legends and myths of the Discworld and how they relate to some of our well-known fairy tales.
Folkore Society Talk: One of the first organisations in the world devoted to the study and recording of traditional culture worldwide. The Society's interest and expertise includes traditional music, song, dance and drama, narrative, arts and crafts, customs and beliefs.
Gala Dinner: The elite of Ankh-Morpork invite you to join them at the Annual Dinner for the Friends of the Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons. Entry to this event is limited to those lucky few who have ~~the right connections~~ invitations.
Games: Take a break from the main Convention Programme and play some games.
Gopher Briefing - General: Would you like to help out at the Convention as a Gopher? Come along to this meeting to find out how.
Gopher Briefing - Specialist: Gophers help out in all aspects of running the convention, but there are some tasks which require specific skills. If you have a special skill, or qualification, and would like to help out, this is where to start.
Grand Stamp Exchange: The follow-up to Bernard's talk and an opportunity to exchange stamps and chat about all things flataly.
Great Hedgehog Race: It's very simple. We give teams of competitors a pile of junk each and challenge them to make something useful. Well, not very useful but at least something that functions. OK, something that tries to function for at least 5 seconds before falling apart. Come along to the Race Registration session to find out how it all works.
Great Hedgehog Race Final: The culmination of two days worth of team effort trying to build something vaguely useful. Time to find out which team managed to to build the least impractical wotsit.
Guild Entertainment: Did you think the Guilds were just about you having fun? Well, we've got news for you. It's now the turn of the Guilds to provide the fun.
Guild Fayre: Are you a Witch amongst Wizards? Are your inhumation skills likely to be overlooked in the Guild of Conjurors? If you find yourself in a Guild that doesn't suit, this is your chance to barter, exchange or otherwise trade your assigned affiliation for one within the Guild you were born to serve.
Guild Meeting: An opportunity to learn more about your Guild and how you, as a loyal Guild member, can help to promote its founding principles throughout the weekend. Approximately 30 minutes will be allotted for each Guild.
Guilty of Literature: Time for something a little more high-brow and academic with topics ranging from the Victorian aspects of the Discworld novels to a discussion of post-modern devils as evidenced in Good Omens and Eric.
Have I got a Nac Mac Feegle for you.: Aka "I'm sorry - the news is, if you play your blanks right, it will be all over in a minute or the end of the week anyway". And that's the short description! Trust us on dis…
Hedgehog Party: alt.fan.pratchett (AFP) is one of the oldest bastions of online Discworld Fandom where fans can get together and talk about almost anything. Some days, they even talk about the books. AFP invites you to join their celebration of online fandom.
History of Discworld Medicine: It's magical! It's medical! It's historical! It's "The History of Medicine on Discworld"! Suitable for young and old. Or anyone whose standards aren't particularly high.

Dr Pat Harkin describes the development of medicine on both the Roundworld and the Discworld, covering roughly six thousand years of material in 60 minutes, giving a compression ratio of one century per minute; a value unlikely to be beaten by any other speaker, and requiring the full use of all the Convention procrastinators.
How to Buckle a Swash: What is the best kind of sword? Who would win in a fight between Zorro and Cohen? Our resident Guildmeister and all-round swashbuckler will be taking time from off to explain the finer points of swashing and the lethal importance of the witty retort. Discover new ways of arming yourself to the teeth and then being soundly beaten.
Klatch for Juniors: A special Klatch with Terry for our young Conventioneers. Adults will not be admitted unless accompanied by a small child and will be expected (just this once) to KEEP QUIET and let their offspring do all the talking.
Klatches: Throughout the weekend, we offering small groups of Discworld fans the opportunity to join intimate chats with Convention guests. These are strictly ticket-only events, so ask at Registration for submission forms. Then watch out for the announcements on the Voodoo Boards and near the Kaffee Klatch room.
Leonard de Quirm Aerial Challenge: Pit your paper folding skills against those of your fellow conventioneers to create a paper plane that can soar into the air and fly like the wind. OK - we'll accept anything that doesn't nosedive into the ground and fly like a brick budgie.
Lest Darkness Fall: A precursor of Night Watch?: A talk about the classics of time travel in science fiction which involve changing the past, either to keep the present intact or to produce an alternative future.
Maskerade: The Discworld fan's ultimate fashion show. Teams and individual entrant show off their costume making skills before our carefully-selected panel of Judges (including the Man Himself).
Entry forms and full details of how to enter are available on the Maskerade page. All entrants should submit a completed entry form as soon as possible and ensure that they attend both the Maskerade Registration and the Technical Rehearsal.
Maskerade Green Room: Set aside for use by Maskerade entrants.
Maskerade Photo Call: After the Maskerade judging, entrants can take part in a photo call when the huddled masses and associated paparazzi may take photographs.
Maskerade Technical Rehearsal: Attendance is mandatory for all Maskerade entrants. This is your opportunity to talk through your entry with the Tech Crew, make sure you can fit your costume through the entrances, and so on. If you were unable to register previously, this is your last chance.
Meet the Crew: Some of the more astute amongst you may notice a small documentary crew lurking in corners. Director Charlie Russell and other crew members talk about IWC Media's forthcoming documentary series that focuses on Terry during this 25th year of Discworld.
Meet the Mob: Following the run away success of their adaptation of Hogfather, The Colour of Magic was first shown earlier this year. Their next project is Going Postal. This is your chance to hear from some of the people behind the cameras, including the director and producer.
Mysteries and Secrets of Time: Is time just the elusive first cousin of 3D space, or is it something strangely and disconcertingly different? Is time infinite, or does it have a beginning and an end? There are Fortean examples of extreme longevity, which may suggest that some remarkable characters can step in and out of time when they want to. There are anachronistic artefacts such as a 20th century sparking plug found among fossils half a million years old. There are also many accounts from honest witnesses who have experienced what seem to be time slips.
News from Forn Parts: The UK Convention is not the only fan-organised Discworld event in the world. Have you ever wondered how other fans do things? Come and see our own chairman talking to the organisers of the North American convention, the Australian convention and the Jamboree.
Opening Ceremony: The Grand Official Opening of the 2008 Discworld Convention. The details are a closely guarded secret but are likely include a speech from a Man In A Big Hat. Meanwhile the Convention Committee will try to refrain from having 19 simultaneous nervous breakdowns and do their best to welcome you into the parallel universe of the Discworld Convention.
Orangutan Foundation Talk: Every two years you give a significant amount of money to our principal charity. This event is a chance for you to find out how they spend it, as one of the Foundation's volunteers will be giving a presentation on their work.
PGP/GPG keysigning: What exactly is a key signing party? Everybody wishing to take part in expanding the Web of Trust have a look at the keysigning website and follow the instructions found there.
Pre-Event Cocktails: Transworld Publishing and the Friends of the Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons invite you to a Cocktail party. Drinks will be served in The Dysk from 7pm and there will be an opportunity for Repartee and Badinage, followed by Announcements and Speeches by August Persons. Pageantry and Ceremony shall herald the Commencement of Dragon Racing and the Gala Dinner.
Professor Stewart's Cabinet of Mathematical Curiosities: Ian Stewart - expert in chaos theory and successful scifi co-author - presents his personal collection of curiosities pertaining to, or of, the nature of mathematics. Whilst logic will be involved, it may be heavily disguised.
Puppet Workshop: Make your very own puppet and then start rehearsals for a puppet show. This item is suitable for children aged 3 - 11 years of age but parental supervision is required at all times.
Puppet Workshop and Show: The World Première of the smallest play of the smallest Terry Pratchett book by the smallest company comprised of the smallest players. This item is suitable for children of all ages, but especially if they are aged 3 - 103 years of age. Parental supervision is required at all times. Did we mention that this is small?
Reduced Discworld Company: Can an entire Discworld novel be fitted into a two hour theatrical performance by a cast of ~~thousands~~ around a dozen? Why not come along and see for yourself? We can guarantee that you won't be disappointed. This is one of the Convention's most popular events, so make sure you get there early.
Reduced Discworld Rehearsal: Theatrical rehearsal. Closed to the public.
Registration: You checked in at the hotel. You've found your room and parked your bags. Now what? Head straight to Registration where you will be given, not only your Convention membership badge, but also a whole bag of goodies that will keep you amused for... oh... ages.
Science of Discworld: 2008 is Wallace Year: Who was Alfred Russel Wallace? What was his connection with Darwin? And if Roundworld celebrates "Darwin Year" in 2009, why would 2008 logically be "Wallace Year"? Sit back whilst the maverick known as "Jack'n'Ian explain all. Once upon a time....
Sex on the Disc: It is often said that all animals (including humans) will tend to adapt to be good at Fighting, Fleeing, Feeding, and... the Other One. Join Professor Jack Cohen as he outlines the development of the Fourth F on Discworld.
Sign Ups: Are you planning to enter any special event - such as the The Great Hedgehog Race? Have you brought your costume & props for the Maskerade? If "yes", then make sure you visit the table for your event near main Registration.

Maskerade entrants must bring:
* 1 copy of their completed entry form
* 1 copy of their soundtrack on CD
* 3 copies of any scripts, stage directions, etc.
So You Think You Can Do It Better: You can't please all of the people all of the time but, if you have any ideas about how future Discworld Conventions could be improved, please share them with us. Conversely, if something specific went wrong this time, tell us all about it. We will be listening to everything you have to say.
Starlight Foundation Talk: The Starlight Children's Foundation explain how they brighten the lives of seriously and terminally ill children and help take their minds off the pain, fear and isolation of their illness. The Foundation is one of the Discworld Convention's two sponsored charities so this is your opportunity to find out how some of your money will be spent. You will then have your opportunity to give generously during our Grand Charity Auction.
Stephen Briggs Masterclass: The Discworld's Premier Dramatist explains, in detail, what exactly is involved when you try to turn a Discworld novel into a Discworld play. He may well be accompanied by assistants. They may turn out to be members of the Seamstresses Guild. Whether they will be beautiful or not, we simply couldn't say. Mainly because we would like to go home with all our arms and legs intact.
Tales from Folklore: Terry isn't the only guest who can tell a few bedtime stories. Jacqueline Simpson has selected a few of the most interesting stories she knows from folklore, myth and fairytale to share with us.
Note: this will be a short event (15 to 20 minutes.)
Teach Yourself Tech: Putting on a Discworld event of this size takes a lot of technical wizardly. This is your chance to meet some of the back room boys (and girls) and learn a little about the kind of work they will be doing to make your weekend really special.
Terry's Bedtime Stories: It's almost time for beddy byes, so settle down with the man you came to see whilst he reads from the books that brought you here. Nothing beats hearing Discworld excerpts read by the man who created them. Plus, there's always the chance that you may get to hear some extracts from unpublished works!
The Odium Presents:: Time set aside for the showing of Moving Pictures. Show times will be announced at the Convention. Banged Grains may be available.
The Weakest Guild: The ongoing battle between the Guilds has reached epic proportions and the citizens of Ankh-Morpork have decided that enough is enough. There will be one final battle of wits to determine, once and for all, who is... the Weakest Guild.
Goodbye.
Time Bending with Lupine: Rob Lupine, the close up champion of the magic club, brings his act to the stage here at the 2008 Discworld Convention. Be prepared to be amazed, confounded and confused with his remarkable show.
Toast and Jam: The Musicians Chapter of the Guild of Conjurors, Thespians and Associated Trades invite you to an improvised musical event. All welcome. Bring your musical instruments, your voice or just your applause. Desk and PA will be provided so remember if you have a mic, keyboards, guitars etc. they can all be put through the desk.
Troll's Guide to Conventions: Never been to a Discworld convention before? Never been to any convention before? Then the Trolls Guide is for you. Learn to identify Watch members and recognise Gophers with extra points awarded for Convention Committee Member spotting.
Walk the Walk: Dare you Walk the Walk? Are you prepared to be Weighed In The Balance? Can you Deliver or will you be Returned To Sender? Knockabout action as Unfranked Men and Women from each Guild compete to qualify as Postal Workers. Dogs must be kept off the leash at all times.
Weapons Photo-shoot: Our Convention's Weapons Policy means that members cannot wander around the hotel with costume weaponry. So we have scheduled a photo call for anyone who wants to be photographed in full costume with associated weaponry. Please remember to notify Ops in advance so that they can have your weapons ready for this event.
Werewolf: A werewolf is stalking your village and killing off random villagers. Can you unmask him (or her) before he finds you? Or will The Beast conceal its identity long enough to win?
Writers' Workshop: Diane Duane and Peter Morwood have impressive backgrounds as Science Fiction/Fantasy authors and writers of live-action and animated screenplays. Now you can benefit from their advice and experience. They may also drop in the odd anecdote or three. This is always a popular event, so arrive early to be sure of a seat. If you are planning to attend the Workshop, you should download and print a copy of the Workshop Handout (PDF 223K)